i went to see a program of short films with my boyfriend
i only liked two of them
one, shot on a digital camera in jacques tati style, told the humorous story of a bank robbery
the other one told the story of a group of russians on a submarine
the main character in the film was named oleg
he seemed to have the strongest moral compass of all the men on the ship
submarine
i remembered how much i like strong eastern-european noses
and i remembered how much i used to like oleg kostrow
i haven’t thought of oleg kostrow since high school,
nor do i remember what his record is called,
nor what it sounded like
we went to see “cafe de flore” after that
there was a lot of pink floyd on the soundtrack
and at one point, the main character sings “breathe, breathe in the air”
to his shrink, defiantly/meaningfully
and that made me deeply embarrassed
regardless, i cried many times watching the film
i often feel as if i’m being made to cry against my own will
like when i watched “the tree of life”
which may or may not have been a hallmark card
i much preferred “melancholia”
which i think was classically melodramatic, in a good way
via wagner and aestheticized sadness
i kept thinking to myself “it’s over!” when the film was over
i think i meant the world
but the film as well
